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Auditions (St. Albert): “A Night of One Acts” – St. Albert Theatre Troupe

Auditions (St. Albert): “A Night of One Acts” – St. Albert Theatre Troupe

St. Albert Theatre TroupeAudition Call for Actors and Production Management Team Members

DIRECT0RS: Cory Christensen and Carolyn Zahovskis, St. Albert Theatre Troupe.


Three Viewings by Jeffrey Hatcher. A funeral parlour is the setting for these three darkly humoured but touching short plays.

1. Tell-Tale: The private thoughts of a married mortician that secretly pines for a Realtor that markets to the bereaved.

  • Emil – middle aged male.

2. The Thief of Tears: The complicated story of a female con who steals jewelry from corpses. She must face her demons when she steals a family heirloom from her dead Grandmother.

  • Mac – middle aged female.

3. Thirteen Things about Ed Carpolotti: A newly widowed matron of a shady businessman finds her life in shambles as her Husband’s past business dealings now haunt her. From the grave her Husband makes one last deal that could save her.

  • Virginia – senior Female

Sure Thing by David Ives: A quirky boy meets girl comedy that alters time. The two meet in a cafe and every time one of the characters says something wrong, a bell is rung and they get to say their line again, but now correctly…. These two can’t miss…It’s a Sure Thing.

  • Betty – young adult female.
  • Bill – young adult male.

The Power and The Glory by Le Wilhelm. An extremely funny play about two female friends that support each other as they ride to the top of a high-rise building in a glass elevator and challenge their perceptions of self worth.

  • Wanda – young adult to middle aged female.
  • Inez – young adult to middle aged female.


  • April 27, 28, 29, May 4, 5, 6, 11, 12, and 13, 2017.
  • You MUST be available for all dates.

* * Anyone interested in being part of the Production Team, please contact Cory at 780-910-2723.


  • Auditions: January 24 & 26, 2017 – 7:00 to 9:00 PM.
  • Callback: January 31, 2017 – 7:00 to 9:00 PM.
  • Location: St. Albert United Church, 20 Green Grove Drive St. Albert, AB.

How to Book an Audition: Contact Cory or call 780-910-2723.

Deadline to submit: January 26, 2017.

What to Bring to the Audition:

  • A headshot or a picture can be taken at the audition.
  • Bio including any theatre experience.
  • Date conflicts you may have during the rehearsal process (January 9 to April 26, 2017).
  • Prepare ONE of the following cuttings. All three cuttings are from the play Three Viewings.

CUTTING ONE: Emil from Tell-Tale

EMIL: (Just before a funeral service, Emil learns that his secret Love, loves someone else)

Ed Carpolotti died; and Tessie didn’t come to the funeral. It was a three day affair! I’d left a message on her machine telling her about Ed. Just the usual. But there was no reply. A day passes. I call her again, get her machine, leave another message. No reply. Two days more, the day of the burial, December 21st, the longest day of the year. I tell Jim Zimbro: “We should go another day, not everyone who would want to see Ed has had the chance.” Jim looks at me like I’m nuts. “You want to extend it?” “What about Art Wise,” I sputter. “And Bill Goodpaster….” “Bill’s in Florida,” says Jim. “He went down Friday. He and Tessie.”

Bump-Bum … Bump-Bum … Bump-Bum … Bump-Bum …

I slam down the coffin lid! “Let’s get this goddamn show on the road!” I propel Ed Carpolotti into the service room, the coffin cart banging into the door frame as I take the turn on two wheels! My heart is pounding! Had she been seeing him long? Was it him she was talking about at The Green Mill? Did I miss something? Was I confused? Was there a code she was using? Had she been saying “I LOVE YOU” TO ME AND I JUST WASN’T LISTENING? DOES SHE HAVE ANY INKLING AT ALL? AM I A FOOL! Blood is crashing against the rocks in my ears! BUMP-BUM! BUMP-BUM! BUMP-BUM! Will someone not stop this ridiculous heartbeat! Surely, everyone will hear it! Surely everyone in the room can HEAR IT!

(Emil has reached an explosive crescendo. He finally stops, looks out, fearing he is caught. His voice is a hushed rasp)

But they do not turn, they do not hear, they do not see. I am not caught. Afterwards, Margaret-Mary Walsh takes me aside and tells me she has never been so moved by a service. The woman has always been good and kind one of my “regulars.” So I do not hit her.

CUTTING TWO: Mac from The Thief of Tears

MAC: (Mac is about to steal a ring from her dead Grandmother)

I approach the subject. My Grandmother. My Mother’s Mother. The source of my being. Cold and dusted pink and blue. I look down. The ring is there. The eagle has landed. I grip the side of the casket. I lean my face to hers. I kiss her cheek – and place my hand upon her hand. Her ring is harder to remove than I had hoped, as if the finger’s swelled. I pull. Nothing. I twist. Nothing. I do not want to break her finger. It is an occupational hazard, and I don’t want my Grandmother to be my first snapper. And then I looked down. Because Nettie’s eyes – my Grandmother’s eyes – are wide open and watching me. “Grandma?” “Hello, Jane. Going to steal my ring?” Uh… Maybe “Sweet Janie. Why have you been lying to my old friends about that family of yours?” Her hand has mine gripped in a lock so strong, so tight, my fingers will break!! “You’ve been lying, Jane. I won’t let go ‘til you tell Grandma where that husband of yours is and my two Great-grandchildren.” I am pulling away from her now, but her hand has my wrist, now my elbow, now pulling me deep towards her face! “Tell me the truth, Janie. Why have you been lying? Where is that husband of yours and my great-grandchildren?” I am running a cold sweat, I look for my family – my family! – and there’s no one in the room! “Where is my family. Where is my family! Where is your family!” I shout out. “My Husband never fixed the kitchen door!” And after I fell asleep in the garage, I finally woke up in the hospital in Stockbridge and I asked where is my husband, where is my daughter, where is my son… they explained to me… that because the kitchen was attached to the garage, and because the kitchen door had never been fixed, the lock had opened, and the door had opened, and the air from the garage had drifted into the house and into the bedrooms and my family – my husband, my children, my littlest things…. It had killed my family… while I slept.

CUTTING THREE: Virginia from Thirteen Things About Ed Carpolotti

VIRGINIA: (Virginia is two days away from complete bankruptcy and not coping well)

I live in my husband’s desert now. I owe three times as much money as I thought I had in the world. I am a widow. I am supposed to be drinking gin and tonics on the terrace of a “townhouse” in Boca Raton with Tootie Vaugh. I am a widow and we are supposed to buy new cars after our husbands die. I have not told Tootie. I want so badly to tell my friend Tootie. I lay out my silver, my china, my crystal, my jewelry, everything I have on the dining room table. I don’t know where I can sell it all quickly, but…. It won’t come close to what I need. Not for Bob O’Klock or Dino or Frank…. or whoever has sent me this note. This note. Friday is two days away. There are 46 messages on the machine, I do not return the calls!

(She begins to hold herself and rock back and forth)

I have not told a soul, I have not told a soul, I am screaming so slowly, so dimly, so no one can hear. Where did I meet my husband? Why can’t I remember when and where I met my husband?

(She shuts her eyes, stops rocking, and makes a decision)

I pick up the phone and dial Tootie Vaugh in Boca Raton! We trade bits and pieces for a while. Who’s sick, who’s dead, why Tootie in Boca Raton always seems to know more what’s going on back at home than anyone who actually lives here. Then I ask her my question. (Long pause) She says she hasn’t a clue where I met Ed. Then I fall apart and tell her everything.

(Silence, then she tries to brighten and picks up a cane)

Did you notice this cane? It belonged to my Aunt Stella. I took care of Stella her last few years – about the time Ed bought our house and Debbie was teething. Stella was a crazy, old drunk who had one eye, smoked cigars and drank gin from a bucket. In pictures she looked like an ancient female pirate in a wheelchair; wild white hair, a toothless grin behind her black eyepatch. Debbie says she looked like the illegitimate daughter of Miss Havisham and the Hathaway shirt man.

(She looks out)

I think I actually get that one.

PLEASE NOTE: There are 7 roles available that include roles for males and females of all ages. The cutting you prepare may not be the role that is offered to you. There will also be cold read material from the other plays that you may be asked to read at the audition.

Thank you for considering auditioning or being a part of the Production Team for this Evening of One Acts. We look forward to hearing from you. Cory & Carolyn.

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