Rumors by Neil Simon
February 27th at 7 pm and March 2nd at 2pm
at The Kinsmen Hall on the St. Albert Theatre Troupe’s Stage
47 Riel Drive, St. Albert….
780 668 9522
“Rumors”, by Neil Simon, is a madcap, slamming door farce set in a large home located just outside of New York in the year 1988. The characters are arriving as guests at a 10th Anniversary dinner. The
first couple to arrive discovers that one of their hosts (Charley) has apparently attempted suicide … unsuccessfully. Charley’s wife, Myra, is nowhere to be found and neither are the servants. Through the course of the show, the audience never meets Charley or Myra. As more guests arrive, there are
cover-ups, deceptions, mistaken identities, and a lot of huge laughs.
Steve Palmer our director says that he’s looking for comic timing and good characterization. This can only be achieved when books are down, so auditionees should expect a short learning period. There are some great characters in this play and I do not want to compromise that. I’m working on audition
The primary characters are the four couples that arrive as guests at the dinner. The only other characters are a male and female police officer who arrive on page 94 and stay for about 18 pages. Character age is
somewhat flexible. The ages listed below are from the script but do not necessarily need to be adhered to. General age range for the entire cast, at the outside, mid 20s to 60 but ideally, would be from early 30s to early 50s, if you can play older or younger.
A note about language: this is very much an ADULT show, and the language reflects that fact.
We are required under the terms of the licensing agreement to present the show unedited and all language will be kept intact (some of it, actually, is pretty funny). All of the characters swear to some extent, but I’ve tried to note the characters with more colorful dialog below.
Chris Gorman (F)
– Chris is an attractive woman in her mid 30s.
She is nervous and neurotic. She recently quit smoking but quickly falls off the wagon. She will be smoking prop cigarettes through most of the second act. Chris also has a few too many vodka martinis and plays slightly drunk starting about midway through the show. Chris does some physical comedy and will have to trip over a phone cord and fall on her face.
Ken Gorman (M)
– Ken is Chris’ husband. He is in his 40s and is Charley’s attorney and friend. Ken is pompous, serious, a know-it-all…when he can hear. About midway through the first act, Ken has a slight accident with the
shotgun. It goes off next to his head and leaves him virtually deaf for a good part of the center section of
the show. Ken has to be shouted at, shouts in return and constantly mis-hears what is being said to him.
Claire Ganz (F)
– Claire is late 30s to early 40s. She is an unimpressed smartmouth who is seemingly amused by everything that is going on. Not surprising considering her husband…
Leonard “Lenny” Ganz (M)
– Lenny is Claire’s husband and is also in his late 30s to early 40s. He is Charley’s accountant. Lenny is by far the most foul-mouthed, outspoken member of the cast. He is also HILARIOUS. IMPORTANT NOTE:
Lenny has a bizarre three page monologue at the end of the show where he is posing as “Charley” and tells his version of just what’s been going on around there. Lenny and Claire have also had a car wreck on the way over and Lenny’s neck keeps locking up on him.
Cookie Cusack (F)
– Cookie is a flamboyant host of her own cooking show. She is in her mid to late 40s, garish, a bit ditzy and will be expected to deliver quite a bit of physical comedy. Cookie has a bad back…so bad that she carries a special pillow with her everywhere. Her back is regulary going out with much screaming and gyration. A couple of times Cookie is actually forced to crawl on and off the stage due to her back ailments.
Ernie Cusack (M)
– Ernie is Cookie’s husband and Charley’s analyst. He is in his late 40s/early 50s. He is a somewhat quiet and calming presence in the midst of the storm of confusion. Although he does lose it a couple of
times. He helps Cookie prepare the meal for the evening and is mistaken for the butler at one point.
Glenn Cooper (M)
– Glenn is a candidate for the State Senate. He is in his late 30s/early 40s and obviously quite handsome. The TV cameras love him. He is constantly worried about his image and how involvement in the
possible crimes being committed all around him might impact his candidacy.
Cassie Cooper (F)
– Cassie is Glenn’s wife. She is younger, probably early 30s, very good looking and totally nuts. She and Glenn hate each other. She doesn’t want to be there, she is constantly fighting with Glenn and she is
constantly threatening divorce. Cassie is a believer in the power of crystals. She also hides in the bathroom a lot. At one point, to punish Glenn, Cassie tousles her hair and flirts outrageously with some of the other male guests. She also attacks Glenn with a cell phone (a 1988 cell phone) off stage in a fit of
Officer Ben Welch (M)
– No nonsense cop in his 40s-50s. Has a couple of smaller monologues.
Officer Connie Pudney (F)
– Late 20s cop. Welch’s partner. Minimal lines